


just a second we’re not broken

by iwouldgetaniguana



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack-ish, Hunk has Anxiety – implied, Shenanigans, Spanish-speaking Lance, Team Bonding, Underage Drinking, alien alcohol, team voltron gets drunk, tiny bit of klance bc I’m Incorrigible, what is the legal drinking age in space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 15:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11581134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwouldgetaniguana/pseuds/iwouldgetaniguana
Summary: Everyone needs to loosen up once in a while, even Defenders of the Universe. And what, they’re gonna travel to worlds unknown and then NOT try alien alcohol?





	just a second we’re not broken

**Author's Note:**

> Is anyone else in Season 3 trailer hell? T_T
> 
> This was labelled “drunk voltron” in my docs folder and it’s a good summary tbh

“Isn’t’ Pidge a little young to be drinking alcoholic beverages?” Coran asked, peering at her with narrowed eyes.

The Jynopian bar was more like a sit-down restaurant, with nary a barstool in sight. It did however have a dance floor, where couples and groups of three were dancing together to the andante music coming from a cello-type instrument playing itself (or perhaps being played by an invisible alien; it wasn’t totally clear) on a raised platform. Everything was brightly lit and the walls were painted in a pattern-less combination of various neon colours.

Lance waved a hand at Coran from the other end of their oval-shaped table. “Pidge is supervised, and you’re what, fifteen?” He looked at her, and she nodded. Lance shrugged. “I was fifteen when I started drinking.”

“That explains a lot,” commented Keith.

“With my _family_ ,” Lance glowered at Keith. “At _special dinners_. We’re family too and it’s a special dinner so it’s _fine_!”

“What is even _in_ these?” Hunk picked up a vibrant yellow protean cube and popped it in his mouth. “Tastes like raspberry, but...spicy.”

Keith wrinkled his nose. “What’s in _any_ of this?” He frowned at the decanter of emerald green liquid in the center of their table, and the rows of tiny glasses of bright pink liquid set beside it. “Allura, are you sure about this?”

“Based on Coran’s scan, it seems that the food and drink served here are completely safe for human and Altean –”

“ _When_ do these scans happen?” Hunk hissed. “Seriously, I’ve never seen him at it!”

“Aw, has Keith never had a drink before?” Lance smirked across the table at Keith and patted his hand. “Don’t worry, buddy, you don’t have to have any. Remember what they say about peer pressure, if you’re scared to do something –”

“I’m not scared!” snapped Keith.

Lance shrugged. “If that’s what you need to tell yourself –”

“I can probably drink more than _your_ lanky frame can handle.”

“Oh, you’re on!” Lance growled, grabbing a shot of pink liquid and knocking it back.

“This is going well,” Pidge noted.

Lance gagged, but tried to smirk through it. “Oh yeah...The burn...burning is how you know it’s good, right?” He looked up at Coran.

“Possibly,” said Coran. “It all depends on the vintage with gupilian snood, especially with summer-picked –”

Keith rolled his eyes, downed his own shot, and doubled over coughing.

“Ha!” crowed Lance.

“Alright, well, I think I’m going to try this one instead,” Hunk said, filling his glass with emerald liquid from the decanter.

“Ah, excellent choice, Hunk!” Coran exclaimed, taking the decanter from him. “This yultinap is cultivated from the carfrinius blossom! Known for its sweet taste and calming effect!”

Hunk took a sip, and brightened. “I feel calmer already!” He frowned. “Wait, that’s...probably bad. Is it supposed to work this quickly?”

“Glad you mentioned it! It’s also favoured for its rather quick effectiveness!” Coran concluded.

“Oh,” said Hunk. He was smiling, eyes unfocused. “You _definitely_ should have told me that earlier.”

Keith and Lance were staring each other down across the table. They each took another shot.

“And what will you have, Princess?” Coran asked, reaching towards the drinks for her.

Allura blinked. “I’m on my second glass of yultinap already.”

A short silence followed. Eyes went from the decanter to the tall glass in Allura’s hand, back and forth, back and forth.

“When did that happen?” asked Pidge, leaning forward and pushing up her glasses.

“Keith, we’re falling behind!” shouted Lance, going for another shot. “C’mon, number three! I bet you fall down.”

“You wish,” Keith grinned, sloshing back his own shot and slamming the glass back onto the table.

“Pff, idiota. Tryin’a look like you’re inna movie,” scoffed Lance.

“ _You’re_ the one who’s always talkin’ ‘bout movies,” Keith mumbled. “No movies in space.”

“I bet there are movies somewhere,” Hunk hummed. “Maybe we should do a movie night.”

“We have several films in the Castle’s database,” Allura said, refilling her glass and taking a sip. She frowned as she set her glass down again. “But they’re probably corroded like Coran’s scaultrite-collection instructional video.”

“Oh man,” Hunk giggled. “The best video ever made. We should just watch that again.”

“Nooo!” whined Keith. Loudly.

“Ha,” Lance pointed a drooping finger at Keith. “You’re drunk.”

“Am not,” protested Keith, face flushed. He hiccupped. “ _You’re_ drunk.”

“Nuh-uh,” Lance insisted, putting a hand to his chest and swaying backwards. “I can hold my liquor, pendejo.”

“Why aren’t _you_ drunk,” Hunk asked, squinting at Pidge. “What are you, like thirty-five kilos? How are you not falling over right now.”

“High alcohol tolerance is genetic,” she deadpanned, chin propped on her hands.

“Ah, yes! Everyone in my family was well-known for being stupendously robust drinkers!” Coran exclaimed, swinging his glass around and splashing green liquid everywhere.

Allura ducked. “I remember.”

Lance slumped across the table, frowning up at Keith.

“What.” Keith glared at him.

“Your eyes are so....” Lance stared, flopping a hand around. “Big.”

Allura reached across the table for a pink shot, brought it to her mouth, and took several sips.

“And you?” Pidge asked her. “Did your family have high-alcohol tolerance?”

Allura smiled. “So it was said. I think I am starting to feel something, though.” She held up a hand. “A slight tingling in my fingers....”

“ _Why are your eyes so big_?” Lance rasped at Keith.

“Wait.” Hunk squinted at Pidge again. “Have you even had anything to _drink_?”

“Nope.”

“What?” he wailed. “Oh come on.”

“Nooooo Hunk!” Lance yelled, throwing his arm over his friend. “Peer-pressure is bad!”

“I knooowwww that,” Hunk said, head swivelling to face Lance. “But she’s been covering it up the whole time! Making fools of us!”

“You don’t seem very calm anymore,” Pidge observed. “Is that effect wearing off?”

“It’s not,” Lance said. “Truuuuuuuuuuust me.”

“You stopped drinking,” Keith slurred, whacking Lance. “That means I win.”

“Uuum, no, Mullet Face, I don’t think so. Totally had...had one more th’n you did.”

“Actually, you’re both at five,” said Pidge, and Lance drooped onto the table.

“Do you not like alcohol, Pidge?” asked Allura.

Pidge shrugged. “Wine tastes bad and hard liquor just makes me sleepy.”

Lance gaped at her. “How do you even know that?”

Pidge smirked. “Long story.”

“Tell uuuussssss!” Lance wheedled.

“I think I’m gonna barf,” Keith muttered, probably louder than intended.

“Yes, I think I’d best cut you all off,” said Coran. He hit a button beside their table. “Eat these,” he added, shoving the yellow cubes at Keith and Lance, then scooping one off the plate and presenting it to Hunk.

“Okay,” Hunk hummed. “They’re good.”

Lance laughed, wheezing over at Hunk. “Don’t get mind-squished.”

“Aw, Lance, you ruined it!”

“Lance ruins everything,” Keith agreed, moping at the yellow protein square in his fingers.

Lance’s mouth opened and closed a few times, but before any comeback was made, the waiter arrived, gliding up to them in a red apron with a tray full of round glasses of clear liquid. “You needed something?”

“Yes, my good sir,” Coran said, handing him the last of their drinks. “We won’t be needing any more of these. But we will take that water, thank you.”

“I don’t need water,” Lance said mulishly, drinking the water Coran handed him.

“You too, Pidge, even if you didn’t have anything to drink. Hydration is important.”

Pidge sighed and slumped until her face hit the table.

“Seems to have been quite the celebration,” the waiter said. “Would you like some more kolo squares?”

“That would be lovely,” answered Coran.

“You’ve sobered up quite quickly,” Allura remarked, raising an eyebrow at Coran.

Coran tapped her nose, and Allura spluttered. “Parental instincts.”

The waiter laughed. “So, what’s the occasion?”

Someone hiccupped.

“Friend’s birthday,” Keith grunted. He held up seven fingers, frowning at them. “He’s turning twenty-six. Or,” he snorted.  “Just six again.”

“Oh?” The waiter beamed at them. “I don’t see anyone wearing a giant hujflupo on their head! Where is this birthday boy?”

Allura looked down at her glass. Coran coughed.

Pidge groaned, face still against the table. “We don’t know yet.”

“He’s missing!” Hunk giggled, making an explosive arm-gesture, smacking Coran in the face. “Vanished! Like a magic trick!”

Lance laughed so hard he started crying, and fell off his chair.

**Author's Note:**

> Why am I like this?
> 
> I was originally going to post this for Shiro’s birthday, but, well...
> 
> Title from P!nk’s “Just Give Me a Reason”. Yes Allura is Legolas. If I made any errors in Spanish please let me know, for some reason they did not teach us insults and swear words in school....


End file.
